Corporate Legends

  1.        Hire your mom; make sure she gets a really good position. Pay her with minimum 50% more than the other employees on equivalent position. Family comes first! 2.        Recruit a key employee (deputy director, top manager) and promise him a salary raise of 50% after 3 months. Delay him for 2 years, by avoiding him or changing continuously the subject. Arrange a 1 to 1 meeting and ask him why he is not motivated. My staff loves me! 3.        Promise to your employees a bonus based on performance level X. The Company arrives to the performance level X.   Forget about the bonus, summon all people to a big meeting and thank them for their performance. Make sure you don’t have life insurance. People, our number 1 priority! 4.        Hire an assistant manager based on boobs rating. Promote her as a top manager/director. Give her unlimited power. Make sure she will lead the most experience people in the company, and encourage her to be loud. Don’t interfere if she sta

a.         Keep only one limousine driver for each politician , not more, not less. b.        Driver will have 0,01 hours/month less overtime. c.         Driver will clean the limousine maximum 1 time/day at a maximum cost of 200 euros, before it was 500 euros/day. d.        The gasoline allowance will be reduced from 100000 euros/month/politician to a maximum allowance equal to the necessary gas for the distance d=10*2*PI*R   (where R is the Earth’s radius). e.        Reduce the limousine champagne quantity , from 2 bottles of Chrystal to 1,89 bottles of Chrystal. f.          Reduce the accommodation cost by eliminating 1 from 3(or more) top models escorts (consultants)/night. g.         Reduce the number of massages with happy ending from 5/week   to maximum 1/day. h.        Reduce the fee/word for public speeches from 400 euro/word to 399 .The grammar errors will be penalized with a maximum value of 0,01 euro/error, but not more than 3 penalizations

Nothing, if mom and daddy payed for your BAC exam to some retarded professors. Even if your uncle, father, mother, will recommend you in a company eventually your tremendous IQ and fantastic personality will prevail... Nothing, if you passed the exam, but you believe that you deserve to be treated as Steve Jobs in Apple, because you were for 18 years mama’s prince. Nothing, if you are convinced that you discover the H2O formula and all other 5 billions earth inhabitants are here just to glorify you. Almost nothing if your email address contains one of the following strings: “gigolo”, “xxxlover”, “kitty shity”, “ass pussy” or other stupid email addresses.From where you get this strange email addresses anyway? Is there a special club, or a trend in high school these days,  gathering all students with IQ<50 and giving them stupid email addresses? Absolutely nothing if you come to the interview dressed like Marilyn Manson and smelling like Indiana Jones

1.       Don’t be a dictator, the last one was shot by us! 2.       Don’t spy us! Not every Romanian is a thief and we still have traumas after 50 years of Communist Secret Service abuse. 3.       Don’t bullshit us with promises!We already have 50 years of communist bullshit experience continuing with our politicians bullshit culture today. 4.       Don’t assume we have a bad memory, we never forget, we never forgive! 5.       Don’t define an impossible bonus system; make sure is realistic! You are a smart professional which should understand that we are Romanians, not Supermen. 6.       Do not recruit or promote stupid managers to lead us, most of us are very smart and we observe immediately. If they are stupid, you are stupid. 7.       Don’t assume we are Chinese/French/German/Americans etc. We can work faster and better but also much slower or worse, IF we dislike our management. 8.       Don’t forget your commitments. We don’t buy it, see point 4. 9.