Corporate Legends

Investor Adventure: You choose Romania. Good macro economical indicators, EU country. High Unemployment. You try to buy the land in nice city, a lot of politicians are contacting you asking for a lot of funny things. Cars, money. No, they are not corrupted and yes, you are Santa Claus for them, so bring the gifts! You are amused. However you buy some cars. You plan to recruit your management team in 3 months. Allocated budget X euros/year. You have 20 open management positions and 0.5 candidates. 0.5 because the guy wanted a part time job,with a full payment and luxury company car. In 2 years he expects a private jet for him. He deserves it, because his mother said so.  You hire an headhunter .Finally you recruited all of them. One year passed and your management salary budget is 3 times X. Headhunter delivered. You pay salary proportional commission. You smile again. You bought the land, you start building your plant. Plan 1 year. Budget Y. You cry for the first time since

Dear SirGay I want to thank you for your fat back and for helping ass. Being here suck a long time with hole of ass, you helped ass improving ourselves. We, hole, are now a much better team thanks to your perfect help, based on your feet back. We are your team, you created ass. We crow sow match thanks to you and we deed this in suck a shot time. I thing that you are are sow proud and hippy wit ass now. We hope to here eachother more oven, or even bather, to meat sometimes. Please , when you return to Russia, promise that you will not forget ass. Regards from hole of ass, a hope to talk to you sun, Ass, Hole, your Team

         Your entire mailbox, customers, suppliers, colleagues, will receive an email from you displaying a porn scene. Between you and a funny animal, usually a Guiney Pig. Your entire mailbox, customers, suppliers, colleagues, will receive an email where are described all the spicy secrets between you and all the fat ladies touched by your blessing in the company. Picture and movies attached. All servers could be erased. Because somebody just urinated in them.10 litters, smelling like watermelon. Your car will receive tuning treatment. Mirrors and wheels will be missing and your name followed by fuck, suck, asshole will be deeply scratched in the paint. Your laptop will have on the keyboard a sculpture. A stinky pyramid. You will also get fired if he was a key player and you just stopped the business. She/he will kick your ass. If she/he was an informal leader, maybe all the team will kick your ass.And add it to  YouTube . Therefore, end the work relations with ele

1.        Banat- Join the “Hora Banateana”! a.        We love to work, but only from Monday to Thursday. b.       Our weekend has 3 days. Friday we prepare for “Hora Banateana”.Saturday we dance “Hora Banateana” round 1, about 12 hours. Sunday we dance “Hora Banateana” round 2, 24 hours. Hora Banateana is a dance in Banat with the same rhythm and sound, similar lyrics, with duration from 6-36 hours. c.        We work only if our boss is not from Bucharest/Oltenia. d.       We don’t need procedures and systems, we know better! e.       If you remember that we are Fruncea(Forehead) and we are the best, we will work perfectly.   2.        Bucharest and Oltenia – Only Managers! a.        We are all managers!  Everybody wants us to be their managers. b.       We create teams which must and will obey us. c.        Even if we know that all others are retards, we accept them, if the obey. d.       We scream and we humiliate our teams, but this is just to m

  1.        Hire your mom; make sure she gets a really good position. Pay her with minimum 50% more than the other employees on equivalent position. Family comes first! 2.        Recruit a key employee (deputy director, top manager) and promise him a salary raise of 50% after 3 months. Delay him for 2 years, by avoiding him or changing continuously the subject. Arrange a 1 to 1 meeting and ask him why he is not motivated. My staff loves me! 3.        Promise to your employees a bonus based on performance level X. The Company arrives to the performance level X.   Forget about the bonus, summon all people to a big meeting and thank them for their performance. Make sure you don’t have life insurance. People, our number 1 priority! 4.        Hire an assistant manager based on boobs rating. Promote her as a top manager/director. Give her unlimited power. Make sure she will lead the most experience people in the company, and encourage her to be loud. Don’t interfere if she sta

a.         Keep only one limousine driver for each politician , not more, not less. b.        Driver will have 0,01 hours/month less overtime. c.         Driver will clean the limousine maximum 1 time/day at a maximum cost of 200 euros, before it was 500 euros/day. d.        The gasoline allowance will be reduced from 100000 euros/month/politician to a maximum allowance equal to the necessary gas for the distance d=10*2*PI*R   (where R is the Earth’s radius). e.        Reduce the limousine champagne quantity , from 2 bottles of Chrystal to 1,89 bottles of Chrystal. f.          Reduce the accommodation cost by eliminating 1 from 3(or more) top models escorts (consultants)/night. g.         Reduce the number of massages with happy ending from 5/week   to maximum 1/day. h.        Reduce the fee/word for public speeches from 400 euro/word to 399 .The grammar errors will be penalized with a maximum value of 0,01 euro/error, but not more than 3 penalizations